Usually when we engage in certain behaviours, it’s already too late before we realise we probably shouldn’t have engaged in them! Being mindful of your behaviour definitely takes practice, so learning to be proactive about certain habits can set you up for success in the future. Here is a list of 6 habits you should think about changing now, as they may not only be affecting your mental health but they may also be pushing other people away from you.
- Self-hate talk
- Giving your past the power to your future
- Worrying about the future
- Trying to change someone else
- Gossiping about mutual friends
- Not sticking to your word
This habit is known as the little devil on your shoulder, constantly there to remind you of your faults and your mistakes. Stop calling yourself ugly and start calling yourself beautiful. Stop calling yourself a failure and start acknowledging your successes. It can be a really hard thing to do when you’re already a part of the viscous cycle of self-hate, but remember the law of attraction in this situation. If you always talk negatively of yourself, you are only attracting more negative thoughts and energy into your life. Self-hate talk can sometimes also be exhausting for friends to listen to when it’s the same talk every single day; people want to be around happy people! Self-love is the way to go – you will soon realise how awesome and amazing you truly are. Remember – there is only one YOU in the world, so give the world the best you have to offer!
Giving the past the power to your future
The past can not and will not ever be changed. Whatever it is you are letting control you, remember that letting go is of more benefit to you than clinging onto it. Fixating on a memory that you regret preoccupies your mind with burden and emotional torture. Lots of people like to fixate on past events that brought burden into their lives as if they are trying to fix the problem – coming to terms that the past is in the past is key. Humans love to fix things, and when we know that we can’t solve a problem (because it’s in the past!), our grief can intensify and consequently our fixation on the problem also intensifies. Try to not let one memory trouble you forever – create your own beginnings and your own future for a clear and happy mind.
Worrying about the future
This habit, much like the one above, brings you no benefit. Having a rough plan of the future and knowing what you want is great, however worrying and obsessing over ‘what will be and what won’t be’ is not. When you fixate on the future, particularly on expecting the worst to happen, you can actually increase the chances of that ‘event’ happening – according to the law of attraction. Say it’s your first day of a new job – rather than thinking of everything
exciting that’s about to happen, you end up thinking about everything that could go wrong. You could miss your train, right? WRONG. This mindset, again, can set you up for failure and you are likely to attract this event into reality. Think of it like this – there’s no point in worrying about the future when you already have immense power to structure it the way you want. If you’re worried about missing your train, arrive extra early at the station. Just make a conscious decision to focus on the positive and you are likely feel loads happier.
Trying to change someone else
If you feel that you have to change someone for you to be OK with them in your life, you should think about maybe letting them go. The person may not respond well to forced change and will realise when you are trying to change them – don’t go here, don’t talk to this person because X/Y/Z, etc. This will only push the person away, and if they weren’t pushed away, it wouldn’t be fair on them to stay because they have to change themselves for you. Everyone wants to be accepted just the way they are. Always think from this perspective, ‘treat others how you would like to be treated’. Chances are, you would not like it very much if someone kept trying to change the person you are. Either learn to accept the person for who they are, or let them go.
Gossiping about mutual friends
There are two downsides to gossiping about a mutual friend. The first is that you are being disloyal to your friendship by badmouthing your friend, and the second is that you show your other friend (the one you are talking to) that you aren’t trustworthy. This is never OK unless you are talking about a mutual friend in her benefit, for example, ‘Josie’s breakup is really taking a toll on her, Jess. She’s spiralling out of control with all this partying, and I’m worried. I tried to distract
her by going out to watch a movie a few times on weekend-nights but it didn’t help. What should we do?’ This scenario would generally be OK as long as long as both friends are equally as close to the person being spoken about.
Not sticking to your word
People like people that stick to their word – it shows integrity and honor on your behalf. If you say that you will pick up a friend from the airport, do it! Don’t message them on arrival and tell them that you can’t go. Things like this can damage friendships because your friend will think that they aren’t a priority of yours, and they will feel bummed that they have to splurge on a taxi fee to get home. If you say you will do something, do it!